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Updated: Sep 29, 2020

By Susan Kastner

PALM BEACH: A new protest movement, billed as a pet project of President Donald Trump's, is aiming to shine a light on the victimization of two Canadian Blacks, whom the President calls his "good and great friends."

Former media baron, now merely Baron, Conrad Black, and his wife, Barbara Amiel Black, are the focus of the new campaign, which is called: BLACKS LIVES MATTER.

BLACKS LIVES MATTER, or BS.LM, was kicked off at Mar-A-Lago yesterday by chief organizer Karly Stokemichael, a media adviser to iconic late presidential candidates Barry Goldwater and George Wallace.

Stokemichael told the packed press conference that BLACKS LIVES MATTER was triggered by publication of Baroness Black's new memoir, in which she details the couple's anguish at being cut from high society, and seeing their household staff decimated, after ex-media-baron Baron Black's "unseemly and unjustified" imprisonment for various "fallacious felonies."

"We feel that insufficient attention or pity has been given to the unique, searing pain of these esteemed and shattered Canadian Blacks," Stokemichael said. "This is a very particular kind of pain, one felt only by our cream de la cream, when they fall into unwonted and unwarranted disgrace.

"Ordinary folk," Stokemichael added, "cannot remotely comprehend the soul-shattering anguishes incurred by The Lord Conrad Moffat Black, the Baron of, I think it's Crisscrossharbour, and his stately and elegant Baroness, Lady Barbie Black, who had to go from hobnobbing with royalty at the world's power pinnacles, to nobbing with nobodies in Hogtown."

Stokemichael said President Trump has thrown his considerable weight behind the Blacks, and BS.LM, which, he feels, "gives new, much deeper meaning to the slogan Black Lives Matter."

The Canadian Blacks' place of honour in the President's tweet book goes back to his business dealings with Baron Black in the 80's, through the Baron's glowing columnar praises from 2005, and the incandescent Black presidential biography, Donald Trump: A President Like No Other, which the president has treasured for Baron Black's unparalleled astuteness: "The traits that elevated Donald Trump to the White House are the traits of America..." Voters, the Baron wrote, were "not appalled, but rather, to some degree, inspired, by his bravura, buffoonery, and raw egotism, for behind it they saw an outrageously successful version of themselves, and one who, they intuited, understood them and their desires, fears, and hopes..." -- plus, one who does not really lie, but rather resorts to "truthful hyperbole."

The President has always stressed, however, that the pardon he issued the Baron just last year, was strictly in the interests of justice, to wipe out the Baron's "viciously unjust and purely vindictive conviction."

BS.LM's Stokemichael said President Trump had special accolades for Baroness Black, who has attributed her need for closets bursting with designer duds, to the painful wardrobe slights suffered in her impoverished youth.

"The President told me he greatly admired the way Lady Black had pulled herself up by her bra-straps. He pondered whether fifty years ago, he mightn't have minded winding up with her, in a Saks dressing room," Stokemichael added, to general laughter.

The President has derided the billionaire Baron buddies who backed away from them, claiming, according to the Baroness, that if they didn't, "the wife would never give a b***-j** again." -- "The President feels not a single great American he knows, would go for that bluff," Stokemichael said. "I mean, who controls the credit cards?"

A furious President Trump has reportedly blamed "the f******g socialist politics of f*****g envy" for the Baronses' vilification and fall," averring that "that kind of sh** could only happen in shi**y little socialist countries like Britain and Canada." It would never happen in President Trump's America, over a phalanx of phony charges, Stokemichael noted, adding: "Why, just look at our own President! Surely the socialist anti-Enron days are over, when you could send the whole cream of the cream to the pokey, just for sound business practice..."

Stokemichael released the partial text of a special BS.LM broadcast planned by Fox News icon Tucker Carlson, highlighting the inequitable pain and shock caused when people like wealthy uppercrust Blacks suffer the trauma of a fall:

"Try, for once, to walk a mile in Baroness Black's size 10 Blahniks. Stuff the toes, if necessary.

"The fact is: For your average American Black, getting pulled over for a broken rear light and winding up beat up, and/or in solitary, or kneed to death, or shot seven times in the back -- is par for the course: They're used to it, they expect it, it just doesn't have the same big effect -- in a word, they have the skin for it. Your upper classes don't. And, the fact is, let's face it: the average American Black usually deserves it -- how safe is driving with a rear light out? ...

"But for people like the Baron Blacks, a different, far more exalted class: Here, you have your own particular panoply of pain, your more punishing personal purgatories...Not merely three whole crushing years of jail time, in a bunk where you keep bumping your head. That, PLUS losing your royal buddies, AND your hairdresser, AND your special entree to Manolo Blahnik -- AND, anywhere worth wearing your billion-buck wardrobe any more -- all this, over some perfectly legit financial stuff that everybody does; all, because of meretricious mendacious charges based 1000 per cent on pure, vicious jealousy. As the good Baron's lawyers put it so brilliantly in court, although it didn't really help: 'Since Biblical times, and probably before, the wealthy have been envied and condemned.'

"Yes, friends," the Tucker Carlson broadcast concludes, "this kind of shot, to the very soul of a person of quality, comes as a different, devastating shock to the high-tax-bracketer's psychic system; a system far more fragile, vulnerable, because it's never needed to develop the necessary defenses. Why, it's enough to drive a saint over the brink -- just look at poor Jeff Epstein..."

Among other BS.LM measures announced by Karly Stokemichael, aimed at turning Blacks history whiter:

--A giant digitized, flashing BLACKS LIVES MATTER panel, with a portrait of the Baroness in her prime, to be installed on the White House wall, overlooking the First Lady's Rose Garden.

--An engraved silver plaque: Another Old Black Head Bashed Here, on the constricted Florida prison bunk where the Baron painfully bumped his head whenever he sat up.

--A Boycott-Divest-Sanction campaign against astronomical-end shoemaker Manolo Blahnik, who refused to sell even more shoes to the Baroness after the scandal; and, against corporations owned by the Blacks' billionaire ex-friends, who refused to step up, using the bl**-j** excuse.

--Possible new charges against Ghislaine Maxwell, who hurtfully snubbed scandal-stricken Baroness Black at a high-end party. Maxwell, currently in prison awaiting trial on charges of pimping adolescents for her late boyfriend, party-boy procurer to the rich and famous, Jeffrey Epstein, could be charged with slanderously and damagingly causing the Baroness pain, suffering, and loss of reputation, witnessed being cut dead, in public, by a madam.

--At Christmastime: Flash mobs and international video hookups, with the Baroning Blackses leading artists and moguls around the world, in a soul-stirring 24-hour chant, a new version of the great John Lennon anthem, Give Peace A Chance:

"All's we're all saying is,

"Give big thieves a chance...."

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1 Comment

EarlM Fowler
EarlM Fowler
Sep 13, 2020

F*****g beautiful. Just a coincidence, I guess, that the night when ghouls and goblins roam free every year is orange and black all over.

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