They’re ba-a-a-a-c-k! And front! And back again!
Seventy years later, the sound of fifties vocal sensation the 5 Neat Guys has sprung back to life in a spectacular new album!
You might remember K-Tel’s 5 Neat Guys’ Neatest Hits from their bow-tied, V-collared, swelteringly sweatered SCTV appearance sometime in the late seventies, when they were already a nostalgia act.
For those of us d’un certain age, their legendary chart toppers still trip off the tongue:
Don’t Step on My Clip-on Tie
Who Made the Egg Salad Sandwiches?
Let’s Have a Party in My Rec Room
My Mom Framed My High School Diploma
She Does It, She Does It (The Whole Town Says She Does It)
Who Put the Pennies in My Loafers?
I’m the Goof in the Classroom
Much as it pains me to say it, I have to admit that my personal favourite remains their biggest and perhaps most controversial tune: I Won’t Date Just Any Girl Around, ’Cause Patsy Has the Largest Breasts in Town.
Shame, shame, shame.
The good news is that in this better informed and more enlightened era, the three surviving original members of 5 Neat Guys, rebranded as the Gender Inclusive 3, have returned with their cover versions of 15 hits from yesteryear. Presented and processed in Auto-Tuned barber-shop harmonies as innovative and mellifluous as the then boys sounded in 1955, we proudly present the new album: It’s not the Heat, It’s the Fluidity.
Track list (along with the original hitmakers):
Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Heteronormative (Do Mess With Mister In-Between) — Bing Crosby
I Am Individual With Cervix — Helen Reddy
Uterus Havers! Uterus Havers! Uterus Havers! — Elvis Presley
A Cisgender Male Needs a Fairly Compensated Domestic Entrepreneur — Neil Young
Ruby, Don’t Take Your Pro to Noun — Kenny Rogers
Maggie’s Sperm — Bob Dylan
Where the Seminal Fluid Producers Are — Connie Francis
We’re Talkin’ RuPaul — Terry Cashman (with special appearances by Willie, Mickey and the Cuke)
Epididymis and Ivory, Paul McCartney and Steven Wonder
Down Under — Menstruators at Work
We’ll Gamete Again — Vera Lynn
Rikki Do Lose That Gender (You Might Want to Be Somebody Else) — Steely Dan
Sidewalks, Agitprop and Rainbows — Leslie Gore
Southern Trans — Neil Young
Take a Knee, Country Road — John Denver
But wait! THERE’S MORE! Order now and we’ll send you, ABSOLUTELY FREE, the bonus eight track Some Kind of Fluid Dude, featuring the group’s live recordings of such beloved classics as:
Marrakesh Crossdress — Graham Nash
Bi-Bi Love — The Everly Brothers
Cowgirl in the Gender Neutral Bathroom — Neil Young
Roll Another Pride Flag for the Road — Neil Young
They’ll Have to Go — Jim Reeves
Standing on the Corner, Not Watching Any of the Girls Go By (That Would be Creepy) — Dean Martin
Do Ya Think I’m Intersexy? — Rod Stewart
Unbinaried Melody — The Righteous Brothers
Kind of a Drag — The Buckinghams
Medley: Smells Like Two Spirit / Two Spirited in the Sky — Nirvana / Norman Greenbaum
Ejaculation — Carly Simon
Father/Mother and Son — Cat Stevens
My Kind of Pronoun — Frank Sinatra
Just the Two of Me — Bill Withers
Not available in stores. Cash only. Send $15.95 to Gender in the Grass Records, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500, USA.
Sorry. Absolutely no refunds.