Miss Daisy, Driving

Strife in the Fast Line

or … On the Altruistic Velocity Regulation Behaviours of Senior Motorists in High-Speed Traffic Zones

Authors: Agnes P. Slowman, PhD¹; Harold T. Indicator, PhD²; Mildred A. Merge, MSc³ ¹Institute for Applied Caution, ²Department of Blinker Studies, ³Centre for Lane Ethics

Abstract

Despite extensive signage and decades of public education in both Canada and the United States, a substantial subset of senior drivers consistently occupies the leftmost (“fast”) lanes of highways and freeways while travelling at or below the posted speed limit. This phenomenon, hereafter referred to as Altruistic Velocity Regulation (AVR), has puzzled commuters and inspired interpretive hand gestures worldwide. In this paper, we propose a unifying theoretical framework explaining AVR as a moral, civic and occasionally theological obligation perceived by senior motorists. Using observational data, self-reported interviews and one extremely long on-ramp merge, we identify key motivations underlying this behaviour.

1. Introduction

Traffic engineers have long assumed that the fast lane exists for faster traffic. However, real-world observations contradict this assumption with startling regularity, particularly during rush hours. Previous studies have attributed slow left-lane driving to distraction, confusion or spite. We argue instead that many senior drivers are fully aware of their actions and are, in fact, performing what they believe to be a public service. Also, many are planning to eventually turn left, perhaps 20 kilometres up the road, and advise that “You can’t be too careful.”

2. Methods

We conducted a mixed-methods study consisting of:

• Highway Observation: Researchers followed 314 senior drivers who entered the fast lane and remained there regardless of speed differential, traffic density or the visible despair of surrounding motorists.

  
  

• Interviews: Participants were asked, “Why are you in this lane right now?” Responses were recorded until the interviewer was honked at.

  
  

• Simulation: A driving simulator was programmed to emit increasingly aggressive tailgating behaviour, including flashing headlights and interpretive brake tapping. None of the participants seemed to notice.

  
  

3. Results

3.1 Moral Speed Stewardship

78% of participants expressed a belief that “for the love of Mike, someone has to slow things down.” These drivers viewed the speed limit not as a guideline but as a maximum moral velocity, exceeding which could lead to societal collapse or, at minimum, less than optimal fuel economy.

3.2 Civic Duty and Lane Ownership

Many respondents believed that long-term taxpaying conferred a form of lane tenure. Statements such as “I’ve been driving this road since it was two lanes and a cow path” were common, suggesting a quasi-feudal relationship with the roadway.

3.3 Educational Enforcement

A significant subset (52%) reported that they were “teaching people patience.” This group often increased their commitment to the fast lane when tailgated, interpreting frustration from other drivers (when they twigged to it at all) as gratifying evidence that the lesson was working.

3.4 Situational Forgetting

While not the primary focus of this paper, 19% of drivers appeared unaware they were in the fast lane, despite clear signage, repeated passing on the right and the presence of a veteran traffic officer gently weeping nearby.

4. Discussion

Our findings suggest that AVR is not merely a driving habit but a value system. Senior drivers engaging in AVR often see themselves as guardians of order in a world that has become “entirely too rushed since the 1980s.” Attempts to correct this behaviour through signage or enforcement may fail unless they address the underlying ethical framework.

5. Limitations

This study did not account for regional variations, such as provinces (Alberta, Saskatchewan and Quebec) where all lanes are treated as suggestions. Additionally, researchers were unable to interview participants who refused to roll down their windows more than two inches while threatening to deploy bear spray, handheld conducted energy devices or their remote garage door openers.

6. Conclusion

Senior drivers in fast lanes are not necessarily lost, malicious or blissfully unaware. Rather, many are acting under a self-imposed mandate to regulate speed, teach lessons and uphold what they perceive as the natural order of traffic. Understanding this mindset may not make your commute shorter, but it should make it more philosophically interesting.

Acknowledgments

The authors thank the anonymous drivers who honked, gesticulated obscenely and provided real-time peer review during data collection.

References

1. Slowman, A.P. How Much Is that Senior Stuck in my Store Window? Journal of Hypothetical Transport, 1998.

2. Indicator, H.T. Blinker Usage and Moral Character. Proceedings of the Imaginary Academy of Sciences, 2007.

3. Merge, M.A. Highway Lanes as Social Constructs. Freeway Sociology Quarterly, 2015.