Senior pickup line disclaimer

Please note: It has come to the attention of concerned website monitors that the recent post in this blog titled “Top 10 Senior Pickup Lines” omitted the following crucial admonition:

None of said pickup approaches should ever be deployed in real-life situations with younger adults unless you’re a highly trained philanderer, cold-blooded lothario or a lascivious possessor of mucho deniro.

Like Al Pacino or Robert de Mucho de Niro, say. Larry King, petroleum tycoon J. Howard Marshall, Hugh Hefner and the 18th Duchess of Alba in their day. Billy Joel. Clint Eastwood. Cher. Brigitte Macron. Donald Trump. Rupert Murdoch. Bill Belichick. The future Leo DiMucho DiNiro DiCaprio. Demi Moore might be getting there.

By the pricking of your thumbs (or vice versa), something wicked that way comes. Shall come against you. What’s done cannot be undone (unless the sheets are washed right away in Tide PODS and 20 Mule Team Borax. Wash temp: Hot. Soil level: Extra heavy.)

We cannot stress this enough. The only age-appropriate starter pickup line remains: “Meet me in my new affordable walk-in bath at midnight, darling. I’ll be the one in the lime-green Speedo.”

It has never been known to fail.

(Maybe don’t say this part out loud since it always tends to chill the mood, but it’s important to put it out there: “Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.”)

Thank you for your attention. The editors regret the emission.