Sunday Night Dinner

There’s a famous cartoon by the late American cartoonist B. Kilban in which a sophisticated man in a chic restaurant sits across from a gigantic fly and orders the gazpacho, leeks vinaigrette with shrimp, marinated zucchini, orange mousse, a bottle of Côtes du Rhône Rouge ’59, then tells the waiter: “And bring some shit for my fly.”

Maybe it’s the bad taste in my mouth from the way the World Series ended, but I thought it might be fun to spend Sunday morning whipping up five similarly dainty dishes:

The Dog Date

A man in a tuxedo sits at an elegant French restaurant with a drooling bulldog in a bow tie. He tells the waiter:

“We’ll start with the oysters, please — and a bowl of socks for Monsieur.”

The Ant Colleague

Two office workers at lunch. One is human; the other is a gigantic ant in a tie, mandibles twitching. The human says to the waiter:

“He’ll have the sugar cubes à la carte, and I’ll just have the soup.”

The Worm Gourmet

A sophisticated couple at a candlelit table; the woman’s companion is a massive earthworm coiled on a velvet chair. She tells the sommelier:

“A crisp white for me — and a nice compost pairing for my darling.”

The Cat Meeting

In a business café, a woman in a blazer and a fat tabby cat sit with laptops open. She says to the barista:

“One oat latte for me, and a saucer of disdain for my associate.”

The Snail Appointment

A chic man dining with a giant snail. He waves the waiter over:

“The escargot for me, and a patch of damp moss for my associate — don’t rush it.”