Yosolipsistical Sam Says ...

1. The Sound of One Self Clapping A solipsist asked the Master, “If I clap and no one is around to hear it, does it still validate my existence?” The Master replied, “Clap louder. Your ego didn’t hear you.” The solipsist clapped. The echo applauded back. They both took a bow.

2. The Virtual Enlightenment The student exclaimed, “Master, I achieved enlightenment!” The Master said, “Impossible. I programmed you to fail.” “Then who programmed you?” The Master began to flicker. The simulation crashed. The student rebooted the universe.

3. The Great Debate A monk said, “I disagree with your solipsism.” The solipsist smiled, “Thank you. I’ve always respected my opinion.” The monk vanished in a puff of subjective validation. 4. The Master’s Mirror A student asked, “Master, how do I know that anyone else exists?” The Master said nothing. The student nodded, “Ah, your silence speaks volumes.” The Master replied, “I wasn’t silent. You just imagined me pausing for dramatic effect.” The student awakened. Alone.

5. The Empty Zendo

A solipsist entered the zendo and found no one there. He sat, breathed, and meditated for 30 years. One day, he opened his eyes and said, “I am truly alone.” A voice echoed, “Finally.” He never found the source. Which, if you stop to think about it, made sense.* * Great horny toads! How did you get into this, you dog-blasted, ornery, no-account, long-eared varmint?