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Gone with the chins

Earl Fowler

Even if it’s not quite a GLAAD, GLAAD, GLAAD world we’re living in, I have a feeling, Toto, that we’re not in Kansas any more. Especially after the recent tackling of Dave Chappelle during a performance at the Hollywood Bowl. Something strange in the neighbourhood. So just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, it’s time some of Hollywood’s cheesiest, corniest, most saccharine chestnuts were re-woked along more gender-fluid lines.

Here’s gawkin’ at you, kid:

Notting Hill: I’m also just a person who menstruates, standing in front of a person who doesn’t menstruate, asking them to love them.

Jerry McGuire: You had me at cisgender.

You’ve Got Male: I wanted to be you, I wanted to be you so badly.

When Harry Became Sally: I’ll have what she is.

The Terminator: I’ll be front.

Taxi Driver: They talkin’ to they? They talkin’ to they? They talkin’ to they?

Love Story: Love means never having to say you’re Garry.

The Shining: Heeeeeere’s Bonnie!

Die Hard: Yippie-kai-yay, fatherf—er.

A League of Their Own: There’s no heteronormativity in virtue signalling.

A Few Good Toxic Masculinities: You can’t handle the gender spectrum.

Airplane: I’m serious. And do call me Shirley.

The Big Lebowski: The Dude elides.

Star Wars: No, I am your mother.

The Wizard of Oz: I’ll get pretty, and their little dog, too.

The Notebook: If you’re a bird, I’m a bird (this one is fine as it stands).

Scarface: Say hello to my little friend (ditto).

The Princess Bride: As you wish (ditto).

Clueless: As if (ditto).

Spider-Man: Homecoming: If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it (ditto).

The Matrix: Reality is a thing of the past (ditto).

Bridget Jones’s Binary: No, I like you very much. Just as you were.

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