Just say No to Yes

Earl Fowler

As usual, the anarchist wiseacres in the failing Fake News business have been busy distorting a suggestion by President Donald Trump that was a joke, but wasn’t a joke, but was a joke.

I refer, of course, to the brouhaha over the president’s revelation over the weekend at the bigly successful Tulsa rally that he has asked U.S. health officials to slow down testing for COVID-19 because tests are uncovering too many infections.

The president reaffirmed Tuesday that he wasn’t kidding, which means he might have been kidding, depending on how that plays during future knotty and serpentine discussions on Fox and Friends. Stay tuned, and I’m not kidding.

But either way, the logic is impeccable. Less testing would translate to fewer positive results. Stop testing altogether and, voilà (a fancy French term for weeeee doggie), problem solved. No new cases. Cero and de nada (illegal alien terms for take your shoes off and sit a spell).

Just to be consistent, which is what this presidency has been all about, I’d love to see the concept applied to other issues that continue to bedevil the great republic to the south.

For example, how about instructing U.S. Immigration and Enforcement officials to abandon the blitzkrieg (a tell-it-like-it-is, good people term for Make America Great Again) against immigrants who have lived and worked in the country for decades? Stop searching and you won’t find any. Problem solved.

Instead of making up outrageous lies about how mail-in voting is particularly susceptible to fraud, why not trust the failsafe safeguards already in place? Problem solved.

And so on. Remove all the radar traps. No speeding. Stop investigating homicides. No murders. If there's no proof through the night that your flag is still there, look away. Lord knows, that's what GOP congressmen and women have been doing for the last three and a half years.

Moreover, because addition and subtraction are commutative (a high school algebra term for something or other), the logic works in reverse. If I visit my barber every week for a little off the top, I obviously have a head of hair to put Brad Pitt's to shame. Haters will scoff, but math is math.

There’s no end to what can be achieved with an ipso alternative facto negative approach to testing for positivity.

I believe the president is on to something really big here, though naturally, the Fake News will always find a way to make him look bad.

What those numbskulls will never understand is that bad is good and worse is great. The worst is yet to come. Problem solved.