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Movie Sequels for Seniors

Earl Fowler

Updated: Jan 17

Earl Fowler


Gone with the Wi-Fi? Snoozin’ in the rain? The empanadas striking back? Here are 10 movie sequels for 12 gangrene men sure to enliven the night of the living but practically dead. As they say at the proctologist’s office, some like it soft:


10. Saving Private Recliner: Three La-Z-Boys were taken. The fourth was tantalizingly across the inactivity room.

9. The Chair Lift Project (Initial title The ExorLift was dropped after it failed to turn heads).

8. Dr. Strange Love Handles (or How I Learned to Stop Waddling and Love Avon).

7. A Box of Q-Tips Now: I love the smell of lip balm in the morning.

6. The Good, the Bad, and the Snuggie: It’s not a joke, it’s a blanket, Tuco. And a little wet.

5. Jaws V: We’re going to need a firmer denture. (Focus groups abhorred Forrest’s Gum.)

4. A Nap on Elm Street: I know what you did last summer. Do you?

3. A Clockwork Osteoarthritis: Two o’clock, knee. Four o’clock, neck. Five o’clock, hip …

2. Rosemary’s Baby Boomers: Even if you’re not in Dubrovnik, I can’t hear you.

1. Sunset Cul-de-sac: Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my egg cup. (Down at the proctologist’s, where we debated this one, working title Eat, Pray, Glove also failed the smell test.)

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Citizen Walking Cane, Heaven Can't Wait, Twelve Incontinent Men ...

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Vertigo. Citizen Walking Cane Saw Massacre. The Elephant Gland (RIP David Lynch).

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Some Like it Not Too Hot, With a Touch of Honey

2025: An Earl Odyssey

All the President's Pedophiles


A more delightfully twisted mind does not exist.

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You yourself, sir, are the Wizard of Ozteopaths.


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